“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” – Thumper, Disney Bambi (1942)
Why does anyone ever need to say something unkind or behave towards others in an unkind manner? In my 26 years as a parent of a child with additional needs I have often had to deal with others negative, or at the very least, impassive reactions to my son or specifically his behaviour. It’s hard sometimes, it gets to you, especially when you are tired and struggling to cope yourself.
Often people can be kind and understanding. Nothing makes me happier than when people take the time to just say ‘hello’ or pass the time of day when we are out with James. It makes going out with him less stressful and it restores my faith in humanity.
Say Thank You
We are often quick to complain when something upsets us or we don’t get the service to which we feel entitled. I’m not judging. I very much include myself when I say that. However, I also like to think that I say thank you when something goes well.
I recently emailed a local garden centre that both we and Joan visit regularly with James to say just that, In-Excess Fair Oak Garden Centre at Fair Oak, Eastleigh. It’s a typical garden centre and, as many do, it has a nice café area. As James likes his trips out for cake we often go there as it’s close to where he lives. James is familiar with the route and so he recognises where we are going and once there, he heads straight for the café. As James is on a limited dairy and soft mashed diet, we take a pot of soya custard with us. In the queue James points out what cake he is going to have (also avoiding chocolate) and when we are served we always ask for James’ cake in a bowl. As cutlery is not accessible we ask for a spoon too. Staff there have got to know us and often anticipate what we need. They are always friendly and helpful.
On one visit shortly before Christmas there was a choir singing outside the café so James and I stood listening while Darryl went to get served. James enjoyed the music and he put some money in the collection bucket. After we had our cake and were leaving we said goodbye to one of the staff who was clearing a nearby table. She spoke directly to James and said “We’ll see you next week.” I explained that I was James’ mum and that James lived nearby and my sister who often takes him in was unable to take him the following week. We chatted briefly and she wished us a Merry Christmas.
At the garden centre tills too the staff always speak to James if only to say ‘hello’ or ‘bye bye.’ They don’t shy away from speaking to him.
After our visit that day I did email the garden centre to thank them for making our visits enjoyable and I explained it can sometimes be difficult with James as we are not sure how he is going to behave. The next morning, I received a reply from the manager thanking me for taking the time to email them. He said that they try to cater for all their customers’ needs and he would pass on my gratitude to the staff team.
More Cake!!
Elsewhere at another garden centre (garden centres are where we spend our weekends!) we had done a similar thing. It’s actually not somewhere we had been for a very long time so they don’t know us there. After ordering our cake and drinks I went to sit down with James as he can sometimes find queueing difficult if we have to wait more than a couple of minutes. I’ll occupy him, when necessary, by looking at pictures on my phone which he likes to do. Darryl came with our cake and as usual had asked for it in a bowl with a spoon. The lady serving him must have briefly seen James at the counter and she asked Darryl if he wanted some milk to soften the cake. He didn’t as I had some custard but I was impressed. How perceptive of her. I don’t know if others would have been offended but I wasn’t. I actually thought it was lovely.
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” – Aesop
Love this Helen ❤️