Whether I am physically near or far from James he is never more than a moment from my thoughts. He and his brother Harry have been the centre of my world for over 27 years. You can’t just switch that off.
My husband, Darryl, and I have reached a time in our lives when we can hopefully take a little more time for ourselves without the responsibility of caring for our children (not that I begrudge them a moment of that time). Two and a half years ago we made the difficult decision for James to move into his own supported accommodation flat. This was to allow him to be as independent from us as possible, but largely to prepare him for a future without us. So whilst we are still very much involved on a day to day basis in James’ life, the responsibility to care for his every need no longer rests on our shoulders.
My youngest son Harry, who is 23 years old, is currently some 11,000 miles away in Australia. Having finished his degree a few months ago he and a friend have gone travelling and aren’t due home until December.
‘Let’s Get Away’ We Said
Bearing this in mind Darryl and I had booked ourselves a holiday. It’s the first time we have been abroad on holiday with no children in tow for 16 years. We were very much looking forward to this since we had booked it. As the months went by and our holiday got closer I was really feeling quite anxious about going away and leaving James. We have been away from him for that long before when Darryl and I had taken Harry to America and a few years later to Canada. On both of those occasions though James was cared for at our home, where he was still living at the time, by my sister Joan. It was hard leaving him, it still brings a lump to my throat now as I recall us leaving and me asking Joan to “look after him for me.” I knew he was in very safe hands and James’ beloved Grandma and Grandad were also on hand to visit and be around should Joan need them.
This time felt very different though as this was the first time we had planned to be so far away from James since he had moved into his home. I mean no disrespect whatsoever to James’ care team as I know and trust that they care for James brilliantly. But I was feeling really very stressed about being away this time.
Covid Again!
To top it all, 11 days before we were due to go away myself, Darryl and James all went down with Covid. At this point I really started to think we would not be going on holiday. I was pretty rough for the first three days and then started to feel better, Darryl wasn’t too unwell and surprisingly neither was James. 3 days after we tested positive my parents did too. Naturally I was worried about them too as how shall I put this; they are not in the flourish of youth (sorry mum 😉).
During that week I must have changed my mind a dozen times as to whether we were going to go on this holiday. As much as he wanted to go, Darryl knew how worried I was about everyone but particularly about leaving James. I always worry about being away from James because things can change with him very quickly. He can be up one minute and down the next and vice versa. Darryl said if I didn’t want to go away then we wouldn’t. As the week passed by, we were all doing ok and I started to get my head around us going away. The taxi was booked and we started to organise ourselves.
Life Throws You A Curveball
Then out of the blue four days before we were due to leave, James had a seizure. He had appeared quite well and actually had that day returned to day service. So, there I was again saying no way could I go away on holiday. But James bounced back and having spent time with him a couple of days later, there didn’t seem to be a reason not to go. I was in turmoil though.
A friend of mine said to me, “You may not be able to put toilet paper in the loo in Greece but they do have Wi-Fi.” It made me chuckle and I know what she meant but I suppose the fear is not being able to get home quickly enough if needed. The fact was we were going to Greece but it was an organised Island-hopping trip. We were going to be away 10 days and we were flying in to Athens for our first night. After that we were visiting 3 different small Islands, Tinos, Syros and Serifos. We would be ferrying between the Islands and staying on each for 3nights, 2 nights and 3 nights respectively before travelling back to Athens for our last night before flying home. In the back of my mind all I could think was that if I needed to get home it wasn’t going to be as easy as just jumping on the next available flight. Being on the Islands, none of which has an airport, we’d need first to get a ferry and get back to Athens before even being able to consider getting a flight home. All of which would take some considerable time.
Time To Go
So come the morning we were due to go it was an early start so little time to reconsider. My parents were better, James appeared well and plans had been put in place. On the days James usually comes to our house for tea, he was going to Grandma and Grandads house instead. On the weekend when we weren’t going to see him, my sister was going to take him for a day out to her house. All of this in the hope he wouldn’t feel our absence too badly…if at all.
And yes, my friend was right of course, there was good Wi-Fi wherever we were in the Greek Islands. I was able to be in touch with everyone at home and check on James’ home Care Control App as often as I wanted to. I was also in touch with Harry and we shared pictures of the best beaches, as much as ours were lovely he still managed to out trump me on those!!
Thankfully all was well with James, everything went according to plan and he was happy and well cared for. He enjoyed his time with Grandma, Grandad and Auntie Joan and whilst happy to see us on our return, you wouldn’t have known from his reaction that we had been away at all. And that makes me happy because if all is well in James’ world then that’s a win for me too.
