It’s that time of year again. It comes round so quickly. Unbelievably, James was 26 years old earlier this week. How does that happen? When did I get that old ……. although my body tells me every day that I am!! But the time does go by so fast and this was James’ second birthday since he moved from our family home into supported accommodation. Last year it was very strange. His birthday was just 6 weeks after he had moved but fortunately it fell on a Sunday and so he was able to come for a sleepover Saturday night and wake up here on his birthday and spend the day with us. It was hard taking him home that evening and standing his cards up in his flat and not here, leaving his new puzzles at his flat hoping his staff would play them with him as I wouldn’t be there to.
I’ve got to be honest, I didn’t feel any easier about his birthday this year. I know it sounds ridiculous as he moved over a year ago now but it still doesn’t feel permanent. I’ll be doing something and be thinking about James and it dawns on me that he’s not coming home to us, only for visits and occasional sleepovers. He has his own home now. I have to remind myself that he is not coming back, he’s not going to live with us again full time. It still makes me sad. But having said that, I don’t know if I have the energy he needs anymore and I don’t really like to admit that. He does and always did demand virtually every minute of my attention when he’s here and, over the last 13 months since he moved, I have adjusted to him not being here all the time. When he does come to stay I’m ready for a rest when he goes back home. But, here I am contradicting myself again……I guess if he was here all the time I’d cope because you just do, just as we always did.
This year James’ birthday was on a Monday and obviously I wanted to spend time with him. He woke up at his flat on his birthday. The first time he has ever woken up on his birthday without me. It won’t have mattered to him I’m sure ……it did to me. I missed him that morning. He went to his Monday day service as normal but I picked him up at 2.30pm and took him back to my house and shortly afterwards Grandma and Grandad arrived.
Drumming Time!
James was not at all interested in opening his presents. He has a thing he always does when Grandad arrives that he doesn’t do for anyone else…..he goes straight to the cupboard and gets out his wooden drum because he wants Grandad to sing with him. Grandad always obliges. James has Grandad at his beck and call and they alternate between singing and banging the drum and doing puzzles, and Grandma helps with those too. This continued even after James’ dad and brother arrived home from work. They also suggested James unwrapped some presents but he still declined.
Auntie Joan and Scott came round too and we all had tea together. James wolfed down his and was almost first to finish which is a rarity, especially with other people around the table as he is usually far too easily distracted to want to bother to eat. As soon as he finished he wanted cake. To James birthdays always mean Grandma and cake. (Grandma has never missed being here on James’ birthday apart from once in lockdown) He signed Grandma and cake when staff went into his room in the morning and wished him Happy Birthday. Grandma had made a clementine sponge for James and so candles were lit and we all sang Happy Birthday. Eventually after we’d all had cake James decided, with a little persuasion, that it was present time. He always pulls the cards out of their envelope and hands them to me to read them, but he mostly manages to rip the paper off his presents by himself. We’ve all learnt over the years to make sure they are not too well sealed and to leave an edge of paper he can get into.
More Puzzles!!!
What did James have this year? Mostly puzzles (just for a change!!), but then he does love his puzzles. As usual we have searched high and low to find something he hasn’t already had, they all provide different stimulation for James and lots of opportunity to talk about and sign new things and familiar ones too. Here are just a few as it might help to give you some ideas.
I found this BIGJIGS sealife puzzle in a local toy shop. It’s wooden so should be durable but the pieces fit together nicely. 6/8 pieces is a good number for James. There are three 6 piece puzzles in the box for £5.99.
There’s a company we found online called ‘tinyme’ and they do lots of personalised gifts and wooden puzzles. You can personalise your own puzzles too by downloading a picture, and also choose the box design and wording on the box for your puzzle. The puzzle can have a different picture on both sides but it was thought that this might be too confusing for James at the moment so Grandma opted to just have a picture on one side with a very simple pattern on the other. This was £18. James was keen to do this as soon as he unwrapped it.
The Learning Journey have some really good educational resources and James has several puzzles by this company. I found this one on Amazon though it is available in lots of retailers, it was £14.95 on Amazon. James likes word puzzles and does recognise some letters when you ask for them, as these have the picture too they are easily manageable for him. These are also good quality and have really nice clear pictures. This company do a wide range of products from 2 or 3 piece picture puzzles, 3 or 4 piece word puzzles, number puzzles and more.
Personalised Books
Regular readers will know how much James loves his personalised books and so I made him a new one on Snapfish this year. He looked at this enthusiastically as soon as he’d opened it. He loves to look at all his older personalised books still but as James’ life has changed over the last year I wanted to make sure his new book replicated this with up to date pictures of him in his own home. Staff at his home sent me lots of pictures they had taken of James so I was able to do this.
Matching Games
We had also found a few new Matching Pairs games as this is something James plays with a lot. I found this one on Amazon. It’s made by eeBoo. The cards are thick, good quality and lovely and colourful and they introduce diversity and familiarity with people from other countries and cultures. eeBoo also has its own website and it produces a range of sustainable gifts which are really worth taking a look at.
Grandma and Grandad found this Memo game on Amazon too. It has clear printed pictures and again is good quality and yet reasonably priced. James has others by this company which have stood the test of time.
Joan found this HGV pairs card game. These are a good size and come in a sturdy box and the cards are laminated making them much more robust than they would otherwise be. These are made by S&H Activities who make products for people with disabilities and dementia. They have lots of card games, quiz games and sensory and tactile activities on their website. I have seen a couple of other items on there that I will be returning to purchase.
After unwrapping all his presents James was keen to play with his new puzzles and matching cards which is quite unusual, he can often take a while to come round to his new things. A little later after our visitors went home James had a bath and we sat and looked at some books before bedtime. James took a while to settle to sleep and I had to wake him later to give him his gastrostomy feed but afterwards he went straight back to sleep. He woke the following morning at 5.30 am!!!
Mornings always were a bit stressful as James finds all the coming and going and busyness in the house with people getting ready for work, having breakfast etc all a little bit hectic. After his morning bath and gastrostomy feed and once his dad and brother had left for work he calmed a little. Between preparing his lunch and getting James ready we found a little time for puzzling before leaving for his day service. It’s been a while since I’ve done the drop off with him in the morning and I must admit it was a little strange. We don’t think he really has any concept of time so saying goodbye knowing I wouldn’t see him for a few days was probably harder for me than him. He did, however, say ‘bye bye’ and went off quite happily with his day service staff. Another year..…another birthday over.
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